With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."
Blonde questions answered
Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at the lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!!
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them,but never see any.
Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?
A: 69 is a bit mouthful.
Q: Why did a blonde put her finger on the nail before hammering?
A: Because the noise gave her a headache.
Hairspray
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man,as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become to the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead.
The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying at the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
Miracously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two human and hopped down the road. 50years away, the rabbit stopped, turned around,waved and hopped down the road. Another 50yards, turned, waved and hopped another 50yards. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could it be in that woman's spray can!!
He ran over to the woman and asked her," What is in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hairspray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent waves."
Panda
A panda walks into the bar and asks the bartenders for a meal. When the meal finally arrives, he eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves the bar.
A patron walks over to the bartender and asks, " What was that all about?"
The bartender replies," Look up 'panda" in the dictionary, pal."
And so, the patron retrieves his Webster's dictionary from his coat pocket and looks up the word 'panda'.
"What's it say?"asks the bartender.
The patron replies with a grin," Eats shoots and leaves."
Briefcase
A surgeon was retiring from his long and rewarding career, as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career, he had saved the foreskins of his patients in specimen jars as momento, and now wished to fashion them into a souvenir.
So, he brought his hundreds of specimens to the leathersmith, and asked him to craft an article of fine artistic quality. "I'll see what I can do," says the artisan, "Check back with me in one week."
The surgeon returned one week later, eager to see what magnificent article the leathersmith had made for him. The leathersmith presented him a wallet.
"All those foreskins and you only make me a wallet?" exclaimed the surgeon.
The leathersmith replied, "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."
Puppy
Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, " Dad, what are they doing?" The Dad responds after some quick thinking, "Why son, they're making a puppy."
Later that night, Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of water. As he walked in his mum and dad's room, he heard some noise and looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, "Daddy, what are you doing?" The father, quite embarassed, replies "Why Billy, we're making a baby." "Quick, turn her over..."declares Billy, "I want a puppy!"
Hope you enjoy the jokes,
Gossip Girls
